Making Mates as a Man: Why It Feels Hard and How to Change That

Let’s be honest—making new friends as a man isn’t always easy. As kids, friendships seemed to happen naturally. You played football with the same lads at school, bonded over video games, or just knocked on someone’s door and asked if they wanted to come out. But as we get older, friendships don’t seem to form so effortlessly. Life gets busy, responsibilities pile up, and before we know it, we’re going through the motions without any real connection.

I’ve been there—feeling isolated, even when surrounded by people, convinced that everyone else has their circle and that I’ve somehow missed the boat. And I know I’m not alone in that feeling. The reality is, many men struggle with making and maintaining friendships. But here’s the thing: real connection isn’t out of reach. It just takes a shift in mindset and some small steps forward.

Why Do Friendships Feel Harder as We Get Older?

If you’ve ever felt like making new mates is a challenge, you’re not imagining it. As men, we’re often conditioned to prioritise work, family, and responsibility over personal connection. Society tells us that friendships are a “nice-to-have,” not a necessity.

But the truth is, friendships are a necessity. They keep us grounded, give us a space to talk, laugh, and share, and remind us that we’re not alone. When we don’t nurture those relationships, isolation creeps in. We tell ourselves we’re fine, that we don’t need close mates, but deep down, something feels missing.

So, if you’re reading this and thinking, Yeah, that sounds like me, I want you to know that you’re not alone. And more importantly, there are ways to change it.

Starting Small: Connection Begins in Everyday Moments

Building new friendships doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s easy to convince yourself that you need to make some huge effort, but real connection often begins in the simplest interactions.

I started by engaging more with people I already saw regularly—colleagues, my barber, the guy who makes my coffee every morning. Instead of a quick “Alright, mate?” I’d actually slow down and have a proper chat. And those small conversations? They led to a sense of community, a reminder that connection isn’t about dramatic gestures but about showing up consistently.

Next time you’re out, try it. Ask the guy at the gym how his week’s been. Say more than just “cheers” to the guy serving you at the pub. Connection starts in the smallest ways.

Find Your People: Shared Interests Lead to Real Friendships

One of the biggest barriers to making new mates is feeling like you don’t have an “in.” But the easiest way to meet like-minded people is by doing something you already enjoy.

I started going to local events, fitness groups, and meet-ups based on things I was already interested in. At first, it felt awkward—like I was the outsider crashing into someone else’s world. But I realised something important: everyone there was looking for connection too.

Whether it’s a sports club, a hiking group, or a weekly pub quiz team, stepping into spaces where people already share your interests makes starting conversations easier.

Overcoming the Fear of Putting Yourself Out There

I won’t lie—putting yourself out there can feel uncomfortable. The thought of trying to make new friends as an adult can bring up all sorts of self-doubt. What if they don’t like me? What if I look desperate? What if I don’t fit in?

Here’s what I learned: no one’s judging you as harshly as you think. People respect honesty. They appreciate when someone makes an effort. Most of the time, the fear of rejection is just that—a fear, not a reality.

I had to remind myself that reaching out isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. It takes courage to admit you want deeper connections, and even more courage to act on it.

The Power of Consistency: Friendship Needs Effort

Here’s the bit we often overlook—friendships don’t just “happen.” They need time, effort, and consistency.

I used to assume that if a friendship was meant to be, it would just fall into place. But the reality is, like anything meaningful, it takes intention. If you meet someone you get along with, follow up. Suggest grabbing a coffee or heading to a game together. Keep in touch, even when life gets busy.

Friendship isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about showing up.

You’re Not Meant to Do Life Alone

I know how easy it is to tell yourself that you don’t need close mates, that you can handle things on your own. But the truth? You do need them. We all do.

Building real friendships takes effort, but the rewards—having people who get you, who have your back, who bring laughter and meaning to your life—are worth it.

So, if you’re feeling isolated, if you’re struggling to find your people, start small. Say yes to the invite. Join the group. Put yourself in spaces where connection can happen.

Because you’re not meant to do life alone. And the mates who’ll walk alongside you? They’re out there, waiting for you to take the first step.